USPS lost the newspaper insert this year, but I prevailed! Ready, set, go!
The typical drivel:
Braelyn Tess (I’m feeling a ditty coming on: ♫ “Look out! Here comes Braelyn Tess, the old blind widow who loves to read!” ♫)
Braelyn Kinleigh (Another Braelyn?? How? ...Why?)
Kenadee Braelynn (BRAELYNN!!! I guess these inexplicably could have used their own category, but I sort of feel like that would mess up the flow of my Braelyn Tess joke.)
On the map:
GUNS AND BEER! GUNS AND BEER!
Remington “Remi” Delila
Paisleys (and variants) and Presleys (and variants):
Jo’s ‘n J’s:
A glitch in the matrix:
Gracie Deja Linn
Unknown Norse gods..?:
Payette (we’ve had a Payette before!)
Say no to names with “GYN” in them:
Jack Be What? JACK BE WHAAAT???
Jack B ('Nimble' is the easy joke here, but I prefer the option 2: TRIPPIN'.)
Maylee and Kayva
The "What the EFF???"s:
Tigè Rae (I believe they may have been looking for an accent aigu instead.)
Absolute worst name:
Gunner J-Mack (Historically, this category results in ties and/or runners up, but this time there was no contest.)
Tie: Madilaine TwilaLou Johnston and Trezlynne Danielle Harrison (both are 25 letters, and both are based on the novel Push by Sapphire)
Most Mormon name:
Robert Ryker Picard (!)
Name that overlaps the most categories:
Kenzlee KaeLynn usurped Madilaine TwilaLou because, while they both have compounding made-up, misspelled, and double-capital-letter elements, Kenzlee KaeLynn has the K advantage. Ridiculous name, Level 5: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
Worst real names:
Grayson Gunter (Say no to names with "gyn" in them, say no to names with "Gunt" in them.)
Augustus Cleve Bagley
NAMING DONE RIGHT: A round of applause for the best names of 2014:
- Many of these names overlap categories. I could have made a very large and complex Venn diagram, but I didn't.
- Tell your friends: Cabbage-sized flower headbands are (mostly) out, infants in pearl necklaces are in.
- At one point as I was combing through the names and sorting them into lists, I had one called "Needs categorizing." I guess you can take the girl out of Idaho, but you can't take the Idaho out of the girl.
- I trust I don't need a Le-a and -Jello twins disclaimer again this year. You are better than that!
One last category, just for fun.
Photo that most resembles a baby in a sea of vomit: