Friday, March 28, 2014

Names 2013!

Welcome to the fascinating and usually terrible world of Idaho baby naming trends! For the complete anthology and a brief explanation of what's going on around here, *click*. Otherwise, let's rip off this bandaid. Bonus surprise ending now included!

The Typical Drivel
Colter Ridge

The Sound-it-Outs
Addilyn Kendul
Saydee Lyn Marrie
Lyncoln Crue

Invasion of the K's 
Kason/Kayson/Kayson Kolt
Keston Glayde


Twin Disasters
Finlee and Indee
Oakleigh and Berkleigh
Diessel and Nixxon (some serious self-restraint there, to pass over the opportunity to use two Z's and two X's.)

Speaking of Double X's
Ryker Jaxx

Carter, Get Your Gun
Carter Benelli


On the Map
Houston (II)
Berkleigh (repeat from the twins category, but it deserves to be posted twice)
Brooklyn (II)

The "What the EFF?????"s
Roywn (rhymes with groin?)
McKartni Grayce
Justyce Cozy

Three-way tie for the absolute worst name this year:

Straight from THIS, heaven help us all:

Most seamless combination of two tree species:

Worst real name*:
Tate Gus

Most literary name:
Harper Lee Coon

Most Mormon name:
Parley Smith

Longest name:
Koraline Andrea Dorothee Heidi David

Shortest name:
Grace Cook

And an enthusiastic standing ovation for the best names this year*:
Violet Julia
Ava Corina
Lucas William
Caleb Mark


  • For me, it's worse when a child with a beautiful surname name is given the Idaho/Utah treatment. For example, it's more disappointing when Mr. and Mrs. LeCheminant and Mr. and Mrs. Jardine name their children Jersey and Houston, respectively, than when Mr. and Mrs. Boot do. To Mr. and Mrs. Cundick, on the other hand......yikes. I wish you well in all you do.

  • Last year's What the EFF, Diezel, is this year's Typical Drivel, thanks to the fact that I've seen that name at least ten times since (including a baby in my ward).

  • I reserve the right to mock or delete any comment referencing Le-a and the -jello twins. There are plenty of real made-up names to go around, there's no need to mindlessly repeat urban legend. It's pointless anyway, because I won't believe you unless you are personally in possession of the original birth certificate and are willing to mail it to me so I can inspect it with my own two eyeballs. I'm a Le-a Birther.

*There weren't many to choose from.


  1. A rope of what? That could be so many things! Never would have thought of that.


    Mageigh makes me sad.

  3. Pleasure as always, Jessie. I have so many thoughts... so, so many. Here are 3:

    "Tate Gus" - for all those times you wish for a child with a name that sounds like it was made up by an Imagineer.

    "Reeselynne?" they're just TRYING to ruin this kid's life, right? Do you think the dad was laughing/drunk while he filled out the birth cert?

    And poor, poor "Ryker Jaxx." We KNOW you weren't born into the birthright lineage of Hell's Angels (because, you know, you're from Idaho), but it sure sounds like it. Good luck with your life as Assistant to the Lead Grip somewhere, because that's your only future.

  4. To the parents of Harper Lee Coon. I realize that your last name is a difficult one to deal with, but intentionally injecting racial tension into the name of your child? Bold failure my friends, bold failure.

  5. Jersey and Capri are also items of clothing, like Tank Top and Clam Digger (Dyggur).

    And we can be certain the parents have never actually BEEN to Stockton. It would be like naming a kid Fresno.

    (I am Corrine's aunt-in-law -- thank you for your post -- I have been waiting)

  6. I can't imagine someone watching the weather on the Today Show and thinking, that would be a great name. But that's probably how it happened. It sounds like a serial killer.

  7. Do you think Mageigh is supposed to be a clever respelling of Maggie? I can't figure out how else it would be pronounced, but no one is ever going to get that right on their first try. And I wonder if Roywn started out as Rowan and mom and dad just got carried away and a little scrambled up in all the creative excitement. My heart goes out to poor little Jagur and Paisyn and Ramzi. The number of times I had to scroll back up and check each spelling is a testament to how annoying their lives will probably be. And whenever I see these posts (or any 'creative' baby name), I remember the time in my Relief Society when an older lady announced the birth of her new granddaughter, whose name she could not remember because "it is quite unusual."

  8. The day I was leaving the hospital with my baby girl (named "Claire Eleanor"), I passed by a door with a sign that said, "Welcome Trinitee Nikkole!!!"

    And I leaned down to Claire's tiny ear and whispered, "you're welcome."

  9. The gerunds made me laugh past the point of pain. Excellent post!

  10. I know a little boy named Bringit. As in bring it on.

    1. Oh man. That is one for the list.

  11. Haha, I know little Grace Cook...she's a cutie and joines older brothers Hank Cook and Jack Cook. Short and sweet, all three.
    Another from my neighborhood...the son of Bruce Wayne Balls has been named Charles Xavier Balls. Superheroes R Us.

    1. With that last name, you've got t develop a strong sense of humor?

  12. There is no such thing as a "clever respelling." Which, my auto correct insists is "repelling" true. All of them, even the hyper cutesy ones, come off just looking illiterate and ignorant,instead. And I like Book of Mormon names...well, some of them. But Mageigh? Oh, these poor, poor backwoods children. People used to mock The South for adding May or Anne (Lora Anne, Callie May) to names, but Reese Lynne is Far, far worse. I do personally know a family with father named Andrew, nicknamed Drew. Four daughter-- Drunae (rhymes renae), Druanne, Drulaura...I forget the last.Drunae and I are still good friends :-)

  13. Speaking of invading K's, these are all my siblings' names: Karen, Kent, Kirk, Kerry, Kim, and Klay. My name is Julie. Go figure. And I have only one sister--Kerry and Kim are boys. At least they are all classic names.

  14. I have an ex friend who named her son "Cashis King" first name Cashis, but calls him Cash. But it stands for 'cash is king' it makes me sick! Our other friend had a son named Kashton first, and was 'soo mad' she was naming him something similar, I think they are both mad (in the head)! I have a family member who named their daughter Kinsey-Ann and call her KA... uh ok. And another family member who named their son Sabastian, and call him Sabby. And I am so sick of 'K' names as well! Half the people I know name their kid with K names.. it has to stop! I love your blog!

  15. Your name posts are AWESOME, by the way. I have a pet peeve with weird names, and your lists (and comments/discussions) are hilarious! I don't mind K names (see my list of siblings, above) as long as they aren't strange conglomerates. But Khloe? Seriously? Perhaps they should have given her the middle name Travesteigh.

  16. Saw someone on instagram naming their girl a combo of her and her husbands names... Jaystin. For Jayla and Dustin. No...

  17. I look forward to this EVERY year. I'm surprised my cousin's baby's name, Stihl, didn't make the list. Yes, like the chainsaw. They do live in Rigby, though, so maybe it doesn't extend that far.

  18. I know I tweet you the weird ones when they come up in my life, but here are some I want to share with the world:

    What the EFF:
    Thryce (pronounced Trice--the "h" is silent)

    Sadly misspelled:
    Meriya (Mariah)
    Mykl (McKell)

    I think I've done enough damage for one day...

    1. ...the h... is silent??

      Sometimes I suspect linguistics should be part of gen ed.

  19. I've never been against naming kids after locations per say; my fiancee and I, both with strong southern roots (mostly in Georga) want to name our oldest daughter Savanah Rose. But some of those names... no.

  20. Living in southeast Idaho, I just finished my son's elementary school yearbook. I can attest ALL of this is true . . . and occasionally worse :-) On Roywn, I wouldn't be surprised if the Post Register typoed it instead of Rowyn. Every year there's at least four or five obvious typos I notice on the Baby Parade.

    PS- Thanks for the hilariousness every year!

  21. - HENSLEY is how people jokingly pronounce my last name.
    - Ezralynne - oh...blimey.
    - "Ryker" Jaxx. Okay,k I'm a bit of a trekkie (I LOVE The Next Gen, actually, but everything else can suck it - Star Wars is where it's at), so I don't think "Ryker" is the worst name ever. It sounds really cool, and the character is admirable. Nevertheless....Jaxx? The double X is just gratuitous.
    - Rowyn = Rowan, which I like. The Russian word for it is "Ryabina," which I love. No need to give it the faux-welsh treatment with the "wyn," though.
    - Mageigh. Muh-gag.
    - "Roper" - is he a ....rancher? A rapist? A career Boy Scout? I don't get it.
    - Jagur. WUT even is this?
    - Aspyne....since you're a good Mormon, I won't comment futher.

    In conclusion: Tate Gus. *facepalm*

  22. Parents who afflict poor innocent babies with names like Timbree, Taybrie, Maivyn, Diezel (why would you name a kid after a sooty fuel?), and Saydee Lyn Marrie ... should be prevented from reproducing further. For the sake of the children.

  23. Jessie,

    My extended family anxiously looks forward to this blog post every year. Thanks again . . . both for the entertainment value and hopefully for the service you are providing in encouraging some parents not to ruin their kids' lives with these moronic names. Well done and we look forward to next year's edition.

  24. I actually laughed out loud on a few of these ridiculous names! HAHAHAHA

    I'm going to have to show this to my boyfriend, as he named his daughter Brinley.
    Dang it, I know too many friends have named their children from this very list!
    I have a hard time not making fun or laughing at the moment they reveal their newborn's name.

    Am I terrible?

  25. Ha! About the name Cash, that is my sons' name. He was named after my great grandfather who was a old rancher from the earlier 1900s. if it is spelled with a K, then they are just dumb. I am all for different names, but come on!!

  26. I work for a children's hospital and we have to ask people to spell EVERYTHING. I've seen Lincoln with-a-Q, Joseph with double z's and f's, and many names that seem like a random selection of consonants and vowels pronounced as katie, lilly, Kimberly, etc. Seriously I can't imagine being the preschool teacher attempting to help kids write their names.

  27. Diezel always makes me think of Popeye. Olive Oyl had a brother named a brother named Castor who had a daughter named Diesel.

  28. I used to work with a lady who has a daughter named Darryllynn. Named after her father Darryl. Then she had another daughter named Schon , pronounced Shawn).

  29. My friend Rhiannon (like the Fleetwood Mac song) lives in Idaho and just named her baby girl Rhiella.

    Also, I went to church with my sister and they blessed a new baby. Alexander Lion King. I was laughing so hard, my sister then informed me those Kings had taken the idea from the other King family in the ward who had recently blessed their baby. Unknown first name, also middle name Lion.

  30. I creeped all the way back and read every name post you have! I have to say, I am an "Ashli". I live in Alabama, so just imagine what names I see. I seriously think there is too much of a focus for children to have "different" names, so parents try and create their own variations of 1-10 names and combine them. I have friends (girls) named Trent and Lanier, but it's the South so family names reign no matter the gender.

  31. We didn't put our little boy's name in the paper. Baden Perry. I love traditional, classic names, and the made up ones really bother me. People tend to think Baden's name is one of the made up variety, that we just took the r out of Braden. But he is actually named after the founder of scouting, Robert Baden-Powell.